I Convinced Myself
I convinced myself that it was never gonna happen. The devil didn't need to step in. I did it on my own. After almost 8 years of crying out for a baby it looked impossible. Often, I said in my thoughts, it's not gonna happen. I am getting older. All my friends have at least two kids by now. Why do I have to go through this? Why me? I hate this. This is the worst thing ever. My friends and family
couldn't look into my eye and see my pain. They had no idea of the emotional beat down that I put myself through from not being able to meet the expectation of grandma, in-laws, and even the embarrassment of knowing his ex-girl who is now married already gave her husband a child. Looking at me like what's wrong with her.
I already know family members most likely gossiped about me saying" he should have never married her". She was the wrong one". "He missed God on that one". "She pretty but she can't even give him a baby."
Infertility hurts. I almost like a whole in your heart. I don't know about you but for me it felt like an emptiness. Yes, I know my life shouldn't have revolved around trying to get pregnant but it did. I felt the longer it took, the more effort I had to put towards making it happen. Man!!!!!!! Huh!!! There are other ladies out there not even trying and they pop out babies like it ain't nothing!!!!
This shouldn't be a hard thing!!! Come on God!!! Where you at????? Don't do me like this!!!! Then when I finally got pregnant after a few years. I lost the baby. Devastation!!! Then, the same cycle happened over and over again. You gotta be kidding me. I wanna be over it but something keeps this desire in my heart. The desire for a baby just won't die. Huh!!!!
And stop telling me what I need to try... YOU PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAD FERTILITY PROBLEMS. I been there. Done that. After 5 years of trying, I have tried it all. This herb, that pill, this drink, that sexual position. Man!!!! This is too much work! EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED!!!
I don't wanna pray anymore, but I still pray anyway. Running out ways to ask God for the same thing again.
But God is still seated on the throne ANDREA. But you got all those prophesies ANDREA. So, Andrea continued to live and serve God. Then one day her story changed. God fulfilled his promise even though ANDREA doubted. What a faithful God. 3 children later she is still shocked that she has more than what she prayed for.
Hey Ladies, this was written to encourage you. God will come through. Keep holding on. For we walk by faith and not by sight. These are the things I actually felt when I was on the journey to becoming a mother. You are not alone. Our prayers are stronger together!!!!
Love Andrea
Instagram @pregnancybyfaith
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E-BOOK | Bible Promises For Fertility
Helpful scriptures directly from the word of God that help guide you on your journey to motherhood. This eBook is a great resource for those who need a Godly go-to while on their fertility journey. You'll find scriptures for specific concerns that arise while trying to conceive, such as, strength while waiting, what scriptures to use when I finally conceive, pregnancy loss, unshakeable faith, physical healing, casting fear down, marriage and more.
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